Oddly I have not told anyone about my new job in CA. I think that is mostly because I don’t really have anyone to tell. Then tonight Jason and I chatted online and we had a great convo. See the cut at the end of this. It is weird but all of a sudden I felt like telling him and when I did it felt good. I have not really felt like telling anyone about it really. Is it possible that my hanging on and not letting go has kept Jason in my life, at some level, and the friendship is starting to blossom. As up and down as I have been feeling lately, I am feeling really great after this chat….

storck623: good evening!
hiddenNside: hey there
storck623: how are you tonight?
hiddenNside: ok. u?
storck623: just great
storck623: what are you up to?
hiddenNside: just finished up some laundry, now waiting for my room to heat up some and my percocet to kick in so I can head to bed.
storck623: you have heat in your apartment?
hiddenNside: space heater in my room
storck623: ah, gotcha
storck623: but i am jealous
storck623: haha
hiddenNside: I have an extra one if you wanna use it. the most they ad to your bill is 25cents/hour…. or so the pg&e lady told us… 🙂
storck623: cool, i tried to buy one around dec but could not find anywhere that sells them, only places i knew of were target and such which there are none in the city
hiddenNside: walgreens. but I have had mine for a couple of years
storck623: hmmm, did not think of trying a drugstore
hiddenNside: percocet makes it feel so much better
hiddenNside: lol
storck623: haha, well that is what it is for
storck623: 😛
hiddenNside: I just wish it didnt make it so I cant get it up….. I’ finally comfortable and painless enough to turn on some porn and enjoy it, but I cant enjoy it at all
hiddenNside: lol
storck623: haha
hiddenNside: and I end up saying things like that. hehe
storck623: i would not think percocet would have that side effect
storck623: haha, but it is fun when you say things that you would not normally say
storck623: lol
hiddenNside: I have not been able to actually have “fun” in over a month. I am so freakin horny it is driving me insane. lol
storck623: haha
storck623: yet somehow i think you will survive 😉
storck623: lol
hiddenNside: yeah sure, if I dont explode. hehe
storck623: one way or the other, im guessing, haha
hiddenNside: 😉
hiddenNside: I really hope that I never made you upset with how things happened between us…. if I was kinda hot and cold and stuff. in all honesty I’m totally fucked up when it comes to intimacy.
storck623: upset…no, a little confused yes
storck623: i never really figured out what you thought or felt
hiddenNside: well, if it’s any consolation- neither did I.
storck623: haha
storck623: well maybe you should
storck623: lol
storck623: just giving you a hard time 😉
storck623: i have never been all that great in that area myself
hiddenNside: I think you are a great guy, and cute as hell, and I prolly shouldnt have made things weird by acting on my desire to get you naked… hehe… shoulda focussed more on the friendship that was forming.
storck623: lol, oddly when it was happening, i was thinking it prob was not the greatest of ideas, for about 2 seconds, then i was like what the hell, not like i had not thought about it
hiddenNside: hehe
storck623: but in all seriousness, you are the only constant since i have been in sf, and hope it can stay that way, i enjoy our conversations, albiet brief ones, none the less i enjoy them
hiddenNside: the amount of shit I have been processing since you and I met…. surprising you could even wanna be around me. y mind is always somewhere else. I think the last month of being stuck in bed and only being able to think and sleep has helped me out a lot though. I might come out of this WAY more myself than I was before. lol…. and not just from being high all the time.
storck623: everybody has their moments, i am a pretty good judge of character and very picky when it comes to the people I like to be around, which is probably why no matter where I was, I always only had a few close friends….so far you have not scared me off 😛
hiddenNside: hehe….
storck623: although at times i thought i had scared you off, haha
hiddenNside: check this out…. it says I am a match to Jake Gyllenhal @ 68% and Christian Slater at 71%….. I wish… lol….. http://www.myheritage.com
hiddenNside: and it takes a lot to scare me off, but sometimes I get lost for a while
storck623: im just glad i didn’t
storck623: 51% tom welling
storck623: lol, i dont understand how this works
hiddenNside: I knew it! I have always thought you looked like clark kent. 🙂 you have the same smile/eyes
hiddenNside: it maps your face and searches otehr faces for physical matches
storck623: lol, well i will take that as a compliment 😛
hiddenNside: hehe
hiddenNside: you should
storck623: btw…it is great when you talk openly, i should be around you when you are high and see what i can get out, as long as i stay sober, otherwise words will be flowing right out of my mouth faster then they should, hahahaha
hiddenNside: it is the percocet… stoned I am a bit different.
hiddenNside: god I need a massage. cant wait til the doc says it is ok
hiddenNside: my legs and shoulders hurt hurt hurt
storck623: either way, i was kind of just teasing with you
storck623: cant you have someone rub your legs and shoulders, or does that affect your back also?
storck623: partiallly teasing, partially serious, haha
hiddenNside: he said that I cant get a massage cuz of the pressure on my back messing with the muscles when it is still healing on the inside is bad…. and my roomies are cool but I dont think they will rub my legs for me… hehe
hiddenNside: I need to find someone with a hottub
storck623: im sure they would more likely help you with that then your other “problem”, lol
hiddenNside: gross. lol
storck623: hahahahahaha
storck623: i got a new job
hiddenNside: oh?
storck623: working at Stanford as an online video producer
hiddenNside: cool. you like?
storck623: so far yes, only been there 3 days so far, still have one week left of the old job
storck623: i will actually be able to have a life and not have to work 60-70hours a week
hiddenNside: very good indeed
hiddenNside: ok, the percocet is kickin my ass…. time to crawl in bed. the alarm will be going off before I know it
storck623: have a great night and i will talk to you later
storck623: 🙂
hiddenNside: g’night
hiddenNside signed off at 10:24:34 PM.